Have you ever had a feeling of complete emptiness and malaise, right after you accomplish something you’ve worked incredibly hard at completing? It’s become an old friend of mine. No matter the achievement, I’ve mostly felt a bit empty and vacant once said project came to completion.
Years of therapy uncovered the reason—I had little identity and confidence without all the doing. I’ve been working on unraveling this mindset for almost a decade now, only to have stalled in recent months.
For many of us, the pandemic has shed light on the darkest parts of our lives—the ones we cope with by staying busy and being social and medicating through all sorts of means. For me, learning to develop a sense of identity and confidence—even without the constant doing—meant confronting how I treat myself.
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
- You can have everyone’s back but your own.
- You find it difficult to say something nice about yourself.
- Your strengths are elusive to you.
- You often break promises you make to yourself.
I did not realize the extent of self-loathing I was experiencing until I started doing work around self-compassion this year. I have found my tendency toward self-loathing coming up again and again—in my limiting beliefs, in my struggle with boundaries, in my inability to show up for myself when I need care the most.
We’re dedicating the month of March to self-compassion — defining it, finding it, and cultivating it. . . . Finding a way to let your most authentic self come fully into the light without fear of rejection and ridicule from your biggest critic: you.
We’re dedicating the month of March to self-compassion—defining it, finding it, and cultivating it, even in the smallest ways. Reversing the script on whose needs come first, and finding a way to let your most authentic self come fully into the light without fear of rejection and ridicule from your biggest critic: you.
This March, our contributors will be writing about the importance of learning to parent yourself, mantras that help cultivate self-compassion, and how to know when you’re ready to leave a relationship. I’ll be sharing design insights, including all the details about our updated basement kitchen and how you can embrace your existing tile (hello, pink bathroom!). We can’t wait to share this, and plenty more, with you throughout the month ahead.
Psst. You may want to consider reading these books if you’d like to explore this topic even more:
Radical Compassion by Tara Brach
After the Rain by Alexandra Elle
The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
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Kate Arends
Kate is currently learning to play the Ukulele, much to the despair of her husband, kids, and dogs. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.
